Thursday, June 11, 2009

I'm cured??

After letting the doctor give me some hokey "medical" treatment in the form of acupuncture for my wrist I decided to go all out. Cody tipped me off and said to try some magnetic therapy which can be found at Dollar Mania of all places. In these poor economy Dollar Mania has had to raise their prices just to make a buck, so to speak. All items are now $1.25 instead of $1.00 , so I picked a package of 10 Biomagnetic therapy patches for $1.25. If it works, then it will be the best $1.25 I've ever spent.




The magnets are attached to a little circular band-aid looking thing that you just stick on the affected area. The packages suggest putting them on your neck, hands, lower back or feet. If you stick some magnets on your temples and stuff that should increase blood flow to the brain and make you smarter. Why would some old guys try Viagra when they can just stick some Biomagnetic therapy patches on their junk to increase blood flow. The applications are endless, this could truly be the miracle cure all. Except as the the package boasts:

Revolutionary Technology
Enhance the body's natural healing process by allowing magnetic fields to penetrate the skin to improve blow and oxygen exchange.

BIO-MEGNETIC fields effect the body in 2 ways:
1)BIO-MEGENETIC fields attract and repel charged particles in the blood, creating movement and heat. This process causes the blood vessel to dilate, increasing the blood circulation and oxygen exchanged. Thus this can be beneficial for the whole system.
2) BIO-MEGNETIC fields also create a slight electrical current. This current stimulates the nervous system, which can also be very beneficial.
It almost sounded possible until I read the word "megnetic". That isn't even a word! To have such an obvious and blatant spelling error of the word "magnetic" which is what you're basically selling the product on is a sign that it is garbage, that and it came from the dollar store! Still for $1.25 I had to give it a try. But why try only one when you can put on the entire package. The more you use the better it will work right?


My wrist didn't even hurt all day until I put all those patches. If it hurts then that must mean it is doing something, but what is it doing? It will one of three things, it will either work, it won't work, or it'll give me cancer. Unfortunately, knowing my luck it will probably give me cancer. Nice knowing you guys!


WARNING: Magnets should not be used by individuals using pacemakers, insulin pumps, transdermal drug delivery patches, or during pregnancy. Never place over an open wound.

6 comments:

mike said...

is that fridge being pulled toward you in the picture? megnetics in action..

Keef said...

No, they would only attract the fridge if they were magnetic. Since they are megnetic they have no affect on the fridge. I know because I tried to stick one on and it just fell off.

mike said...

so what kind of superpowers are megnetics? I googled it but was too scared to open the results..
can't you just learn to play videogames with your feet? or mabey save that as a last resort..

mike said...

megnetics made me spell maybe wrong..

Cam said...

Haha, 'Never place on a open wound'. They had to put that after some idiot cut himself and thought "If the megnets were INSIDE my skin they'd work even better!"

Keef said...

You're onto something there Cam. Maybe I'll try swallowing mine. Thanks, man!